Yesterday, I posted a repost from a time in our lives just like our now where summer was transitioning into our days. Those days, those breaks in working full time, used to feel so sacred. I wished for them for months and mourned when July would find it's end, knowing that no matter how much I loved teaching, I'd have to wait an entire year to have summer again. Summers were always good, but I put a lot of pressure on myself to make them perfect. I wanted every moment to make up for the moments I felt like I was missing.
I've now been self employed and home full time for a year. I have loved this year and would make the same choice to return to home again and again, but it has not been without it's challenges.
I've learned that time, even when home full time, isn't as endless as I once pictured. I still have to be intentional with how I spend our days. In some ways more so because the schedule we have I am creating.
My visions of a perfectly clean house... I'm still not a great housekeeper, and we will always be short on clean underwear and socks. We make a lot more messes when we're all home all day, and since I'd much rather be playing or learning or writing, vacuuming is still something that I NEED to do.
I also have a much harder time being creative come dinner time when I've already cooked and cleaned up several meals. My coffee is never hot. I still long to eat out too much.
I've learned that even though I'm home, with my most favorite people, making my own schedule, away from what was causing so much stress, some days are still long and hard and some are just okay. Most of all though, I've learned that this is as it should be.
Things in our life have shifted, but not in some way that makes them easier or harder. Those days where I was working were good too. I would never have wished them away.
What those days weren't and still aren't are perfect, and I'm learning to accept that I can't (no matter how much I plan or wish) make them go exactly as I picture them going.
In each of our days there are ebbs and flows- whines, spills, hurt feelings, hugs and snuggles, giggles, and snorts. What is making our days better is that I'm no longer allowing one bad mood, change in our schedule, or sinus headache to ruin our day, and even if the day has to be slower or plans need to change, I'm remembering it's the SUM of our day that makes them good.
This summer, unlike the ones of my past, I'm not going to set us up for a perfect summer or flawless vacation. I'm not going to hold these months any differently than I do October or March. I'm going to just let them be the days they need to be. We'll keep on readjusting here and there like we do, buy more underwear, go barefoot, and know that no matter what the month or season or day brings, no matter the shifts or changes that come our way, the day, today, is good.